Thu. Dec 8th, 2022

William McNichols

Born in 1951 from Germanic and Scottish/Irish ancestry, William McNichols is a very strange person on a vagabonding journey in his wheel chair through life’s illusions, seeking a toxic-free co-existence with nature, and trying to make all other people happy while always being infinitely misunderstood. He specializes in unintentionally always breaking people’s hearts but never their noses. He eats every strange food put in front of him; he burps in public; and he farts everywhere. He lives on the northern coast of Greenland, far north of the Arctic Circle, and his closest neighbors for 50 miles in any direction are polar bears, reindeer, caribou, wolves, and massive iceburgs.

Bill McNichols was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. He attended kindergarden there, then his family moved to Dixon, Illinois when he was 6. Bill attended Washington Grade School and Dixon High School, but he never graduated from there, much to the suprise of nobody. Health wise, Bill has polymyositis, a rare auto-immune disease, such that he can barely walk anymore without a walker. As you can imagine, walking up hills or climbing up steps or walking on a cracked sidewalk is impossible for him. Nor can he now lift anything heavier than 1 pound. He can not hear out of his left ear anymore due to left-sided facial shingles (Ramsay Hunt Syndrome). He has had two different bilateral deep vein thromboses (DVTs) with two concurrent bilateral pulmonary embolisms (PEs). When the doctor saw the chest x-ray of Bill’s second PE, the doctor said that Bill should have died. But Bill tricked the doctor, and didn’t. He also has an agressive metastatic cancer. He has had an innocuous renal infarct, again the doctor telling him that he would die, but again Bill didn’t. And he has liver disease as a side effect of the various medicines. Other than that, Bill is the picture of perfect health, even though he should die in a year.

As mentioned above, Bill currently lives in Greenland, far north of the Arctic Circle, on the balmy shores of the frigidly freezing cold Arctic Ocean, where his closest neighbors for fifty miles around are polar bear and caribou and elk and wolves.  If you’re in northern Greenland, and you small an odious stench in the air, it’s just one of Bill’s farts.